Friday, March 2, 2018

The Final Countdown

Exactly one week from today I am scheduled to sit down and take, for the last time, my Step 1 medical boards exam (lovingly known as the "COMLEX"). Friday, March 9th, is the day the destiny of my family is decided.

Or is it? Is it possible that all of this was ordained a long time ago, perhaps even by One Who is Himself beyond the bounds of time?

In the midst of studying for this final attempt, I have been looking closely at all God has, in His goodness, done to get my family and I to this point. I even took a few moments to write these things down. The point of my doing so was to get a more objective view on what God has done and try to see more clearly His will. I do not want to be one of those folks who is given to wishy ambiguity - I want my faith in Him to be solid and unwavering. If, then, I somehow have missed God all these many years and it is not His will that I serve Him as a physician, I want to know that.

So, I started my list - a list of miracles - God has performed since I returned to undergrad in 2011. Has He been leading us or have I been forcing His Hand, driven by my blind passion to become a doctor? I was determined to find out.

What started as a five minute exercise turned into fifteen minutes, then thirty, then an hour and more. I ended up listing 61 specific things God has done - 61 miracles over which my family and I had no control - to bring us to this point. God has moved mountains to get me into medical school and to sustain both my family and myself therein. Space does not permit me to detail how He has guided our steps, closed some doors and opened others, and come through for us (sometimes just in the nick of time) so that we would end up here, years later, trying to pass a fourth time my Step 1 COMLEX.

What if these failures were also part of His plan for us? It seems a departure from His Character to lead us to this point with such miraculous clarity only to allow, at the eleventh hour, failure. Thus, I strongly believe, with profound conviction, that this final attempt will end in success. I am going to pass this time. This passing, though, will be due less to my intelligence and diligence and more (much more) to God's timing and His goodness.

It has occurred to me that, to some, such a bold statement of faith will look hopelessly foolish. Perhaps I am a fool. History, though, teaches us that the greatest accomplishments have been achieved by men and women who, coming to the end of their ability, were "foolish" enough to place their trust in God and His ability. It is in such a place that I currently find myself.

God bless you, dear reader. Thank you for your time. I will keep you posted. For me, in this last week, it is back to the books.

For God’s people the best is yet to come.