Why I Wear It

In 1989 I joined the Army - the desperate attempt of an 18 year old young man to get out into the world and see more than his small hometown. During basic training in a broiling Missouri summer one of the first things done to me, besides shaving my hair and riddling my thin body with countless shots, was the granting of a new set of clothes: slightly ill-fitting clothes that I would wear for many, many years to come. They were not fancy, simple patterns of green and brown, a pair of black boots (I would spend countless hours shining to a gleaming luster) and a stiff round, billed cap which, later, proudly bore my ever rising rank.

Basic training was hard for me: grueling months of challenge and change. Through it all, though, my uniform was a source of pride, a physical reminder of what I would eventually become: a soldier. Every night I washed and pressed and hung my precious uniforms, realizing that here was a physical reminder of my transformation. Before basic training I was a civilian. At graduation (which finally came in September) I marched past the podium in precise time wearing a perfectly groomed uniform. The clothes on my back were now merely a reflection of the change that had happened within. I was different - my role in society had changed - I was now in the service of my country and pledged to defend her people even, if needed, with my very life.

Fast forward a few decades and here I am again: not quite as thin and now sporting silver hair along with my original black. This new calling is no less an honor and involves no less a life-altering transformation. The challenges are vast but the final goal remains the same: service to people with my very life. Every morning, when I don that slightly ill-fitting white coat, I am reminded that, by God's grace, I am in training to become a physician. It is an outward and vibrant symbol of a very real change happening within. Instead of weapons of war I am now learning methods for mending. This transformation is reflected in that thin white coat.

My particular medical school does not require that students wear their white coats to class. That's fine. I do anyway. It is my new uniform and a reminder, both to self and society, of my new obligations and my new identity.

This is why I wear it.

Dinosaurs Rock!

How is it possible that the 2nd year is already half-way over? Time truly does fly when you're having fun - or, when you're being being mercilessly tormented by hyper-intelligent professors with Herculean amounts of information over which you are consistently tested.  It is even more extraordinary when one considers that 75% of the didactic information needed for us to be general physicians has been already taught. This idea stuns me as I feel, right now, most incapable of being a doctor. No doubt the 3rd and 4th years of school are intended to mold us into that most enviable professional role. 

Until then, I am thoroughly enjoying my three weeks of Christmas vacation. Though I should be studying (and have, to some extent), I have spent most of this time with my family. What a joy it is to reacquaint myself with my children and wife! We have gone to see movies, spent time at home cooking, and stayed up late watching cheesy films from the '70s. This break has reminded me of one of the main reasons why I'm doing this med-school thing in the first place: to make a better future for my family. 

School starts again in about a week. I promise to be in touch with you before then. Meanwhile, for me, it's not back to the books yet - I've got a dinosaur to chase with my ten year old son. 

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I'm Still Alive....

I've been so naughty. It's been 18 weeks and I have neglected to update my blog. The reason is two-fold: 1.) Second year is nearly all-consuming and has thus taken almost all of my attention, and 2.) When I have had a few moments of repose I've simply been lazy. I have no excuse. There's honesty for you....

To be frank, second year (the first semester of which is over in a mere two weeks. How did that happen so fast?) has been incredible. Finally, after the stress and strain of first year, things are coming together. I'm actually, just a wee bit, beginning to feel like a doctor. This semester we have studied pathologies - what can go wrong with the body - and a modicum of related treatments. There have been plenty of "aha!" moments as things we learned in first year suddenly fall into place (So THAT'S why we had to memorize that seemingly insignificant random fact!). With each ensuing class the picture becomes more clear and I'm being reminded, nearly daily, of why I went into this in the first place.

Medicine is cool!

With this newfound zeal comes, of course, increasing pressures. We had an exam this past week that covered 46 (yes, forty-six) lectures. The exam itself took three hours to complete. In the words of one of our professors, "it's a bugger". Thank God, I came through okay.

The next two weeks we will have three exams: our final block exam consisting of Repro-Derm-Heme, our last Osteopathic Principles and Practices (OPP) written exam, and our final OPP hands-on exam where we are given a simulated patient and we must diagnose and treat said patient using osteopathic medicine principles. It's going to be a busy two weeks but it is followed by three weeks of Christmas break. Whoo-hoo!

Oh, did I neglect to mention that COMLEX Step 1 is coming up? This eight hour test, to be taken in May or June of next year, is a summary of EVERYTHING we have learned in the first two years of medical school. This COMLEX must be passed before I can continue on to third year. So much for resting during the holiday break - I will be studying for COMLEX. (For those of you who may have a perverse interest in this torture test called COMLEX, click here.)

Meanwhile, it's good to be in touch again!  I hope, dear reader, that you are doing well. As for me, it's back to the books.

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Put on a Happy Face

Today is Friday, July 31st - the last day of summer vacation. On this coming Monday the second year of medical school begins and with it my final year of purely didactic lessons on this journey of becoming a doctor! (After this year is over there are two years of clinical rotations: the time when we get to actually apply what we have learned in a clinical environment with real patients.)

As this second year approaches I cannot help but recall the beginning of my first year. I was so nervous! I had no idea what to expect, I didn't know any of my future colleagues, and I wasn't even sure that I could handle the enormous academic load that awaited me.

My, my how things have changed.

I face this year with enthusiastic expectation. It was a miracle that I passed first year and I know that it will be God and my family that will miraculously help me pass this coming year. I find myself infused with a quiet confidence - I know that we will make this year. I know that I will be ok.

I am under no delusions. I understand that, like the first year, this year will be very difficult and stressful, all the more knowing that I must pass not only all of my classes but also study for and pass the coming COMLEX - an eight hour test that is the first of three of my physician licensure exams. COMLEX is in June 2016 and I must pass it before becoming an official "3rd year" med student. Happily, the amazing folks at my school (DeBusk College of Osteopathic Medicine - love you!) will be there every step of the way helping my classmates and myself pass.

So, I'm encouraged. God is good, my family is amazing, and I will one day be a doctor. Whoo-hoo!

I better get ready for school.......

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Crazy Middle-Aged Man

My medical school conducted an interview with me a couple of months ago at the end of my first year. Being a "non-traditional" student (i.e. older than the average bear) they were curious how I was adjusting to the unique demands of the rigorous academic environment. You can watch the interview at this link:

https://youtu.be/t7Syd71_ycM

Someone once asked me if I was crazy for doing this in my 40s. Most men my age are in established careers and enjoying their families, settled in homes and properties. Perhaps I am a bit "off my rocker" for trying this in the summer of life. At most, I can look forward to perhaps 20 or 30 years of practice after I graduate in 2018 (at the age of 47!) - a far shorter time than that anticipated by my younger colleagues.  I am a firm believer, though, that one is never to old to pursue one's passions, to find one's calling. I would rather spend a few decades doing what I love than waste a lifetime in regret.

I'm learning that life is not about the length of the years but the quality of the journey.

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The Good, the Bad, the Crazy - Part II

Is it possible, after all the agony and ecstasy of the past ten months, that the first year of medical school is over? It is difficult for me to digest the reality that I am now 25% a physician (I know, it's odd, just hang in there with me). To say that this first year has been difficult would be an understatement. Since last summer my wife has lost her mother and I have lost my father. Money is tight as I attempt to house and feed a family of six. We live in a very small home where quiet study room is at a premium. Since last August my classmates and I have passed 55 semester hours of academic work (that's equal to almost 2 years of college study) as well as countless additional hours of lab. We have learned over 260 medications in basic pharmacology, studied entire textbooks (many of them numbering a 1000+ pages) and reviewed over 19,300 slides (yes, I counted them. I was curious).  We have studied over 200 diseases and dissected an entire human body. Many of us have volunteered during afternoons and weekends for various activities to benefit the local community. Add to this the fact that I'm now over $100,000 in debt and you begin to get an idea of the realities of medical school. This is definitely not for the weak of heart! There have been times in the past year when I wasn't sure I would make it. I am so grateful to God, Who has faithfully seen me through, and my wife and children who have offered nothing but support and encouragement.

Would I do it all again? You betcha. I knew coming into this that it wouldn't be easy. I knew that sacrifices would be needed. I remain convinced, though, that the final goal - becoming an excellent physician - is well worth the struggle. I feel very honored and blessed to be able to go through this experience and I know that DeBusk College of Osteopathic Medicine, is making me an excellent physician.

For now, I'm not going back to the books. It's summer break. I think I'll sleep in tomorrow.  :-)

Some of our studies during this first year.

Juggling in the Tulips

Two months have passed, the snows have melted and flowers are blooming. Spring is here, the time of year when a young man's fancy turns to........antiarrhythmic cardiopharmacology and the corticospinal tract. There is no direct connection between the two, but these are what we are currently studying.

The past 60 days have been rough on me. Personal tragedies combined with intensified studies have pushed me onto the wrong side of the academic bell curve. I am hoping to pass the semester, said semester being a mere four weeks away.

This brings up another painful point about medical school - despite the focus on becoming a doctor, life doesn't stop. People still get sick and sometimes die. Medical school does not pause for these tragedies. Like an obsessed but talented juggler, the medical student must keep in the air both the demands of school as well as the reality of everyday living knowing that, after four incredibly busy and short years, the payoff will come. It will be worth it. This fact combined with my faith and my extraordinarily supportive wife and children, are keeping me in the game.  I'm not giving up. With the help of God, I will do this.

Back to the books.

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