"The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated." - Mark Twain

I'm alive!

It is difficult to believe it has been three and a half months since my previous post. So much has happened in the ensuing weeks.

At the request of my school I have spent this time going through a number of tests. I was encouraged to see a neurologist to determine whether or not there was an organic cause to my repeated medical board failures. I was also asked to see a professional testing specialist to determine if I suffered from some type of cognitive or memory impairment.

It is extraordinary to me at the amount of time needed to see these specialists, go through the many tests required, and await the results. I have been poked, prodded, quizzed, and interviewed. I have given vials and vials of blood, had an EEG, and spent literally hours answering cognitive, memory, and IQ questions. All in all, it has been exhausting but has shed some light on my current dilemma.

Thankfully, my brain is structurally intact and functioning at the highest level (a fact held in some debate according to my wife). The testing specialist reported I do have the cognitive and memory ability to pass this troublesome COMLEX Level 1 exam.

What, then, is the problem? The only tests that came back even slightly abnormal were the ones done for attentiveness and memory. Dear reader, I have been diagnosed with ADHD.

This is an extraordinary and unexpected revelation to me. I asked why, if this is true, have I been able to complete undergrad and the first two years of medical school successfully. I have learned that ADHD can be an elusive and unpredictable condition. Apparently, the unique demands of the COMLEX, along with my traditional method of studying and testing anxiety, created a perfect storm which resulted in an essential "shut down" of my memory recall when I needed it most leading to those notorious multiple failures.

I have been given medication to help treat the ADHD as well as advised on new methods of study. Now that the medical and psychological tests are over, I have resumed studying, this time taking my time.

The school has been very supportive but has also told me this fourth attempt will be my final one: either I pass and move on to third year or I fail and, with that failure, ever lose all hope of becoming a physician.

I am truly grateful that, finally, it seems we have found the weakness that has so aggressively hamstrung my repeated attempts. I believe, with the new study strategies and the medication, success will be in our future.

Of one thing I am absolutely sure: as this final try ends in success, and I graduate and move into residency and, afterwards, begin to practice medicine, it will all be a result, not of my intelligence or diligence or strength, but of God's goodness and mercy. He is the One Who has brought us this far and it is He alone Who will see to our final victory and future medical ministry.

God bless you, dear reader. Thank you for your time. Now that my medical specialist tests are over, I will have more time to keep in touch. I purpose to do so. Until next time, hang in there. Don't give up hope. I will do the same.

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