The Answer

To be healthy involves much more than physical strength or absence of disease. It necessitates a strong spirit and a balanced mental/emotional state. If any one of these aspects of a person's life is wounded then the person entire suffers. I have believed this for many years and will, with God's help, apply this truth to my practice in the future.

Tomorrow begins my third week in something called "Primary Care Selective" which is a fancy way of saying, "General medicine for people of all ages". I am working and learning at a large non-profit, faith-based organization which aims to provide health for the uninsured. The aspirations of this group are vast and they have helped hundreds of thousands of patients over the many, many years during which they have operated.

Having said this, there is an enormous gap in the care provided at this otherwise noble place. They believe health of spirit can be attained through a nebulous definition of "faith". Put succinctly, they believe as long as a patient exercises "faith" in whatsoever manner that individual desires, health of spirit will ensue. I respectfully and emphatically disagree for I have learned not "...all roads lead to Rome".

The spirit (heart) of man is profoundly corrupt, poisoned by selfishness and blindness. We all have done or contemplated terrible things. Being a Jewish Christian (Messianic Jew) I know, beyond all doubt, the only solution for this self-defeating state is Jesus. Jesus, alone, is the answer to the health needs of our spirits and souls.

I have had the privilege, over many decades, of meeting people of nearly every conceivable ethnicity and religion: Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Atheist, Wiccan, hard-core satanist, Hindu, Buddhist, Zoroastorian, New Age, Roman Catholic, indigenous Tribal Polytheism, Latter Day Saints, Jehovah's Witnesses, Alien worship (yup, it's out there), Masons, and on and on. I have had the honor of sitting down with these folks and learning where they come from and what they believe. The One Universal Factor that stands out is this: there is no One like Jesus. He alone is unique among the figures of the world. Trust in Him alone brings lasting, radical transformation and healing for the self-stained spirit of humanity. I have witnessed this in my own life and in the lives of countless others regardless of their backgrounds.

As a future health-care provider it would be wrong of me to rob my patients of the opportunity to know how to be fully healthy; it would be unethical of me to not offer to them the option of obtaining true healing of their whole person. No, I will not now, nor have I ever in the past, pressure my patients into this faith, nor will I ever deny care simply because someone chooses not to believe. I would, however, be the worst physician if I neglected sharing this profound fact: Yeshua (Jesus, יֵשׁוּעַ, Iesu, Jésus, Ісус, 耶稣, Ιησούς, Иисус, 예수, عيسى) alone is needed for full health. May we never forget this.

He is true medicine.

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The Rumors of my Death....

I am alive!

Dear Reader, please accept my sincere apologies. Since I passed my COMLEX Level One medical boards exam this past March I have sorely neglected keeping you abreast of all that has happened.

The reason for my silence is due not from any desire on my part to distance myself from you. Quite on the contrary, it has been your prayers and support that have so much helped my family and myself get through the past two years of struggle and failure. Rather, my silence is a byproduct of the extraordinary busyness that has since consumed me. As of this weekend, I have completed four clinical rotations: Internal Medicine (I & II), Pediatrics, and Obstetrics/Gynecology.

What are clinical rotations you ask? Each lasting a month, clinicals (as they are called) are when, for a third year medical student, medicine moves from the classroom to the patient room. It is here that we learn to apply what we have so arduously learned during the first two years. Needless to say, the past four months have been far more exciting, enthralling, and electrifying than anything thus experienced in med school.

Because of the vast amount of time involved in actual patient care, I have neglected reaching out to you. I commit to you that this shall not happen again. You have so much encouraged my family and myself. Future blog updates may be much abbreviated, again due to pressed time, but, with God's help, updates WILL happen. I aim to be in touch no less than once a week, sometimes even more frequently.

Thank you, dear Reader, for your time. I look forward to our time together. Until then, for me, it’s back to the patients!

Me during a busy day at work in the hospital.

Final Attempt COMLEX Result Are In

I PASSED!!!

BARUCH HaSHEM (PRAISE THE LORD)!!

The Final Countdown

Exactly one week from today I am scheduled to sit down and take, for the last time, my Step 1 medical boards exam (lovingly known as the "COMLEX"). Friday, March 9th, is the day the destiny of my family is decided.

Or is it? Is it possible that all of this was ordained a long time ago, perhaps even by One Who is Himself beyond the bounds of time?

In the midst of studying for this final attempt, I have been looking closely at all God has, in His goodness, done to get my family and I to this point. I even took a few moments to write these things down. The point of my doing so was to get a more objective view on what God has done and try to see more clearly His will. I do not want to be one of those folks who is given to wishy ambiguity - I want my faith in Him to be solid and unwavering. If, then, I somehow have missed God all these many years and it is not His will that I serve Him as a physician, I want to know that.

So, I started my list - a list of miracles - God has performed since I returned to undergrad in 2011. Has He been leading us or have I been forcing His Hand, driven by my blind passion to become a doctor? I was determined to find out.

What started as a five minute exercise turned into fifteen minutes, then thirty, then an hour and more. I ended up listing 61 specific things God has done - 61 miracles over which my family and I had no control - to bring us to this point. God has moved mountains to get me into medical school and to sustain both my family and myself therein. Space does not permit me to detail how He has guided our steps, closed some doors and opened others, and come through for us (sometimes just in the nick of time) so that we would end up here, years later, trying to pass a fourth time my Step 1 COMLEX.

What if these failures were also part of His plan for us? It seems a departure from His Character to lead us to this point with such miraculous clarity only to allow, at the eleventh hour, failure. Thus, I strongly believe, with profound conviction, that this final attempt will end in success. I am going to pass this time. This passing, though, will be due less to my intelligence and diligence and more (much more) to God's timing and His goodness.

It has occurred to me that, to some, such a bold statement of faith will look hopelessly foolish. Perhaps I am a fool. History, though, teaches us that the greatest accomplishments have been achieved by men and women who, coming to the end of their ability, were "foolish" enough to place their trust in God and His ability. It is in such a place that I currently find myself.

God bless you, dear reader. Thank you for your time. I will keep you posted. For me, in this last week, it is back to the books.

For God’s people the best is yet to come.

וַיִּתֵּן הָֽאֱלֹהִים אֶת־דָּנִיֵּאל לְחֶסֶד וּֽלְרַחֲמִים לִפְנֵי שַׂר הַסָּרִיסִֽים׃

Sometimes it feels as if God has forgotten me: it's a big universe and, perhaps, He has more important things to which to attend. I know this is not true. I know that He loves His people with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3) but it does not always feel this way.

Other times, it feels as if God has lavished so much goodness and attention on my family and myself that I wonder how the rest of the universe is surviving without Him.

Most days are a zone between these two extremes.

On January 3rd of this year, however, God did yet another miracle - another vast expression of His profound (and eternally undeserved) goodness to us.

He changed my test date.

As many of you will know about a month ago the school had given me a deadline for taking my medical boards. This cutoff date was to be "no later than the end of January, 2018" and was "non-negotiable." I was in despair. There was no way that I was going to be ready in the short time this deadline afforded. Indeed, I was torn between taking my boards for the final time by the end of January (and being certain of failure) and simply quitting school. The results of either decision would be the same.

After much agonizing prayer, my wife and I surrendered the situation to the Lord. He has carried us with so much grace to this point. We were convinced that He could somehow work through this latest challenge.

I sent a thoughtfully worded email to the school, explaining again my situation. I requested that they might consider changing my date to March 9th, giving me two months to prepare for this final attempt. I finished typing the email, pressed "Return", and surrendered it to God. Regardless of their decision, I reminded myself that God, not they, is in charge.

A few days later they sent their affirming email. Just as God had caused Daniel to find compassion and mercy before the prince so also He had granted favor to my family and myself (This is found in Daniel 1:9, the verse in Hebrew at the title of this blog entry). It truly is a miracle!

So, now, thanks again to God and His goodness shown me through the school, I have 7 weeks to prepare - more than enough time. I remain in awe at God's goodness and am more than ever convinced that I shall pass this final attempt and God is going to allow me the honor of serving Him and humanity as a physician.

HalleluYah!

I wanted to share with you, Dear Reader, this extraordinarily good news. I better let you go for now. For me, I joyfully go back to the books (and practice questions)!

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When it Rains.....

I begin this by stating that I love my medical school. I know on previous blogs I have said this, but it bears repeating here: Lincoln Memorial University DeBusk College of Osteopathic Medicine (LMU-DCOM) is an incredible place. I have learned so much there already and, the more I have learned, the more I have fallen in love with medicine. I have met incredible people: professors, staff, and students who have taught me much about professionalism and humanity. I remain in their debt.

As many of you know, I have been struggling to pass my COMLEX Level 1 medical boards exam. Most of my classmates passed this difficult test last summer and are now half-way through their fourth year (mazel tov to them!). I am still technically an OMS-II (Osteopathic Medical Student - 2nd year) because of my failures. Three attempts have ended in crushing disappointment - close but never quite enough. Despite the fact that I am now nearly two years behind my peers, LMU-DCOM has expressed continuing interest in seeing me pass.

Recently, their interest has taken a more zealous turn. They informed me that I need to make my final attempt at this test no later than January 31st of 2018 (the end of next month) or I will be kicked out of medical school.

I understand where they are coming from: they feel that I have had more than adequate time to take this test and that I should do so and move on. Also, each student is expected to pass medical school in no less than six years. For my situation, I may graduate no later than May, 2020. In accordance with how the COMLEX system works, as long as I pass this COMLEX before June 2018, I will be on track to graduate by 2020.

I explained to the school that my studies for this final attempt have been going slower than anticipated. Because LMU-DCOM cut off our school loans after my first boards failure last July, I have had to find a job. I love working, but work does take away from study time. Additionally, to keep my job, my employer has told me I need to pass two national certification exams. The last of these exams is in two weeks. Most of my study time has been filled with this task. It is my earnest desire to pass my COMLEX but putting food on the table and taking care of my large family is a bigger priority. I feel confident that, if given to the end of March next year, even with the above responsibilities, I would be able to pass my boards.

I shared with the school these concerns. Though they appreciate my dilemma, they told me that the January 31st deadline is non-negotiable.

So, now I have a choice to make: do I provide for my family so we do not end up starving on the street or do I try to cram an effective review of two years of medical education into five weeks? (The final test date for COMLEX Level 1 in January is the 23rd, thus cutting a week off of their deadline).

I love my school and I really want to be a physician. I have desired this and planned for this for 40 years. I have run up over $250,000 in student debt for this. Serving God and man as a doctor is, to me, one of the highest joys this life has to offer. But, and on this I will be clear, if becoming a physician means I must put my family at risk, then I will surrender this life-long dream: my family is more important.

As with all problems, there is a solution. In recent days God has reminded me of His gentle Presence and comforted my anxious heart with His Peace. I know that, in the end, God's Will will be done.

Dear reader, thank you for your time. I am not giving up hope. Please pray for us. I will keep you posted.

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"The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated." - Mark Twain

I'm alive!

It is difficult to believe it has been three and a half months since my previous post. So much has happened in the ensuing weeks.

At the request of my school I have spent this time going through a number of tests. I was encouraged to see a neurologist to determine whether or not there was an organic cause to my repeated medical board failures. I was also asked to see a professional testing specialist to determine if I suffered from some type of cognitive or memory impairment.

It is extraordinary to me at the amount of time needed to see these specialists, go through the many tests required, and await the results. I have been poked, prodded, quizzed, and interviewed. I have given vials and vials of blood, had an EEG, and spent literally hours answering cognitive, memory, and IQ questions. All in all, it has been exhausting but has shed some light on my current dilemma.

Thankfully, my brain is structurally intact and functioning at the highest level (a fact held in some debate according to my wife). The testing specialist reported I do have the cognitive and memory ability to pass this troublesome COMLEX Level 1 exam.

What, then, is the problem? The only tests that came back even slightly abnormal were the ones done for attentiveness and memory. Dear reader, I have been diagnosed with ADHD.

This is an extraordinary and unexpected revelation to me. I asked why, if this is true, have I been able to complete undergrad and the first two years of medical school successfully. I have learned that ADHD can be an elusive and unpredictable condition. Apparently, the unique demands of the COMLEX, along with my traditional method of studying and testing anxiety, created a perfect storm which resulted in an essential "shut down" of my memory recall when I needed it most leading to those notorious multiple failures.

I have been given medication to help treat the ADHD as well as advised on new methods of study. Now that the medical and psychological tests are over, I have resumed studying, this time taking my time.

The school has been very supportive but has also told me this fourth attempt will be my final one: either I pass and move on to third year or I fail and, with that failure, ever lose all hope of becoming a physician.

I am truly grateful that, finally, it seems we have found the weakness that has so aggressively hamstrung my repeated attempts. I believe, with the new study strategies and the medication, success will be in our future.

Of one thing I am absolutely sure: as this final try ends in success, and I graduate and move into residency and, afterwards, begin to practice medicine, it will all be a result, not of my intelligence or diligence or strength, but of God's goodness and mercy. He is the One Who has brought us this far and it is He alone Who will see to our final victory and future medical ministry.

God bless you, dear reader. Thank you for your time. Now that my medical specialist tests are over, I will have more time to keep in touch. I purpose to do so. Until next time, hang in there. Don't give up hope. I will do the same.

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